Only Watching
by Little-Black-Riding-Hood
Summary: I watched him grow to hate me. [Angst, SaruMi]


I could only watch.

I could only watch the only one that I have ever trusted with my life, the only one who I _thought_ to be the one that could understand me grow farther and farther away from my grasp. This illusion of a family... I didn't like them. I only became part of that ridiculousness because of Misaki. Misaki, Misaki...

I never wanted to let go of him. But the more I tried to reach out for him, the more I get pushed away, the more I am shoved aside and replaced without a single thought. But I gave no single verbal complaint. I only frowned and said nothing. I remained in the shadows, watching as Misaki grew closer and _closer_... It made me sick. Every time they act as if this family role play would last forever, it always sent bile up my stomach. But Misaki loved this family role play.

Even if those people from Homura welcome both of us, I could still feel the wall between me and that clan. But for Misaki, it was easy for him to break his wall and welcome them. Welcome them as his family. And that broke me. But I didn't say anything. His smile was beautiful but it made me angry. His smile wasn't directed at me but at that red clan.

What happened? I wanted to know... What had happened to us? Misaki and I had always been together, ever since I could remember. Both of us, had no family and we considered each other family. He's the only one I could ever consider family. But, for him, I wasn't the only one he considered family.

And because of that, he was changing. The Misaki I knew changed. He's the only one I hold dear and I wasn't the only one he held dear. Hell, I don't even know if I was still dear to him. If I had become a distant memory of his now that he had others. And I could only watch as he eventually forgotten me. Being forgotten, I didn't want that to happen again. I was forgotten by my parents and I faced the cruel world alone until I met someone just like me. I always thought we would be together, changing together.

But he trusted people too fast. He trusted the Red clan too soon.

"Saru?" I snapped out from my trance as I glanced to my side at the call of my nickname. And I was met with the wondering chestnut colored eyes that stared at me in confusion. "Are you alright?"

That made me melt. Maybe this meant Misaki still cared about me as much as I cared for him? I turned my stool so I could face and talk to him properly. I pushed the frame of my glasses a bit higher on the bridge of my nose.

It was late at night, the room dimly lit by the few lights that surrounded the bar. It had been a tiring day but neither of us could sleep at all.

"Yeah, I'm fine..." I mumbled quietly, taking a sip of the glass of warm milk I had prepared for myself. At that, I could hear Misaki imitate vomiting noises. I only shrugged but on the inside, I couldn't help but chuckle in my head. I remembered the times that in exchange for drinking his milk, Misaki would eat the left over vegetables I always set aside. No wonder he's still so small.

"I really can't understand how you can just, drink it down like that..." Misaki mumbled, crossing his arms and pouted.

Even if this sounded like I was thinking too much but maybe... Misaki and I complemented each other too much that we could never be split apart. We couldn't live without each other since we're like... The same faces of a coin. We wouldn't be complete without each other. We wouldn't function well without our other being. We were too dependent on each other but I wanted it like that. I wanted it to stay like that.

That made me sigh in relief. Misaki won't throw me away. He won't be able to throw me away. He needs me too much and I needed him too much.

"Mikoto-san is amazing, isn't he?" That name... It made my blood boil. My hand clenched the glass a little bit too tightly.

Why would you think he's amazing, Misaki? I didn't get it and most certainly, I didn't like it at all. Because of that person, Misaki had changed. He no longer was the sweet, innocent Misaki I knew.

Suoh Mikoto had taught him to be aggressive, brutal and fiery. To solve each problem with violence. Passionate about destroying things. I didn't know why he would praise him. Despite my hidden emotions, Misaki continued to speak of praises for the red king.

"I mean, he's really cool! Did you see how he took care of that group of gang once? He just practically destroyed them without moving from his place! I'm really glad he took us in and he treats us like family."

I don't know what broke me more. The part where Mikoto was the only thing Misaki could ever talk about or the fact that Misaki had thought that I felt like Homura was my family too. But I only kept silent and he continued to drone on and on.

It made me sick.

The next day, I had woken up quite early, despite the fact that I slept rather late last night. I sat up from the couch, pushing the thick blanket off me so I could stretch properly, raising my arms up and yawned a bit. After rubbing my eyes in an attempt to try and rub the sleep of it, I saw that Misaki still laid asleep on the couch across me, breathing silently. I smiled to myself and shook my head. I folded the blanket, putting it on the end of the couch before standing up.

I glanced at the clock and just sighed. It was quite early that it hadn't even reached seven in the morning. I usually don't wake up this morning so I took the opportunity to just walk and enjoy the lack of people on the streets. I took my jacket and as soon as I wore it, I shoved my hand in my pocket and used the free on to open the door and walk out casually.

The sun wasn't that high in the sky so that mean the sunlight wasn't that blinding at all. My gaze on the sky looked down the street, watching as a few people, mostly women and children, go about their daily business. And... Couples.

I couldn't help but growl under my breath. My hand lifted up to raise my hood up and shield my view from the sick puppy dog love display. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand looking at that, especially when I think about Misaki. It would only hurt for me.

It was so annoying, it pisses the hell off me. I mean, why would couples even boast their love and affection like that? I clicked my tongue and moved away from that scene.

I didn't expect someone to move up behind me and tap my shoulder.

I turned my head, confused by the sudden attention I turned my head to look, my eyes were met by a sight of another man. He had blue hair, just like me, swept to his left side. He also had glasses and he wore a simple dark blue sweater vest with a stark white polo worn underneath. The unknown man also wore khaki pants. I scoffed lightly.

It seemed too gay for my tastes. I glared at the man, his reaction to that was to chuckle. God, that was creepy.

"May I help you?" I spat out blankly, not even turning my entire body to face him. He chuckled, and _god_, it was getting to my nerves already. I watched him cross his arms and he continued to stare at me with a smirk on his face and an all knowing gaze. This just... Pisses me off.

"Well, you don't look very happy at all recently." Wait a minute, did he just say 'recently'? I narrowed my eyes. This was just getting suspicious and straight out creepy. No doubt this man had nothing to do with his life than follow a teenager around.

"Have you been stalking me?" I wasn't particularly happy, thinking that maybe indeed, this man had been following me around.

"Not exactly. More like, observing you and your daily activities." I can't help but feel my eyebrows twitch in annoyance. That was exactly what stalking means.

"Look, if you have no business with me, I suggest you leave me alone."

"Very sorry. But I have to talk to you." I wasn't able to comprehend what happened next. I was pushed into an alley way. When I fell back, I saw the man loom over me. My natural instinct was to jump back, knives appearing on my grip from under my sleeves and I took my defensive stance. The man just stood a few feet away from me, watching me. He looked serious, unalike that calm expression he had a while ago.

My eyes widened when outlines of blue flames started to glow. It wasn't that big but I knew what situation I was in now. This was the Blue King.

My hands gripped on my weapons, red flames engulfing my blades to provide more power. I didn't know why he suddenly laughed and I stared at him in confusion. What was so goddamn funny?

"So you're just like Suoh, after all. I'm so disappointed..." I wanted to punch that man in the face, I wasn't anything like that Suoh Mikoto! But when I looked down at my hands... That's when something struck me, eyes widening at that realization. At that, the fire in my hand extinguished immediately.

"What do you want..." I whispered, my hands tucking my knives back where it belonged. Was this man testing me?

"Your cooperation." I raised an eyebrow at that. Cooperation? Then he continued speaking. "You're not really fond of the Homura Clan, are you?" My hands turned into fists, clenching tightly.

"You must know a lot about me already so why bother asking?"

"And you must desire that... Yata Misaki's attention, hm? He's the reason why you bear the family moments they have there, you want to stay close to him." When he said just that, my eyes widened. I didn't even realize that but when he spoke of that, I realized that it was exactly how it felt. I lowered my head. I could hear his footsteps and soon, I felt a hand on my head.

"You desire his love but the longer you two stay there, The more he won't be able to give you his full attention. Don't you think so?" He made a really good point. I wanted Misaki to feel something for me. Feel something, anything. Because if he felt something for me, it meant I'm still a part of his heart.

"Instead of love, why not desire his hate? Love is a strong emotion and another strong emotion is anger, hate..."

After that, I just left. I pushed by him and left. I didn't go back to the Homura bar, I simply walked away. I then started to run. Will that be enough? Will I be able to accept Misaki's hate so that I would know I still meant something to him?

I just... Didn't want to be forgotten. Reaching a hill and climbing up, I collapsed at the top. I didn't realized that tears were already streaming down my cheeks, my lips quivering. The grass gladly accepted the wetness that fell from my eyes, making me cry even more.

Misaki really had been the only one for me. I wanted to be important to him, I wanted to be something to him. Something that can drive him crazy, make him feel a lot emotions just by my own presence. Something that would push him to make decisions without thinking at all, his emotions driving him

That's what exactly hate was...

I didn't realize it but I was smiling. My lips had moved to a sinister grin and I started to laugh darkly. But how to make Misaki hate me? That Blue King... Is that the reason why he had come to me? A smile. Well, being part of the Blue clan doesn't sound that bad at all...

* * *

"What do you mean you feel like you don't belong?" My back was faced against the placed I considered 'home'. I was silent as I heard him plead for him. His yells, his cries.

"That's exactly what I feel, Misaki. That's why I'm not going to stay here anymore." C'mon, Misaki. Grow to hate me.

"But we're family-" That's when I suddenly snapped. I turned to him and I started to laugh. He looked at me as if I was crazy. The fear in his eyes, it was lovely. It was amazing.

"Family? FAMILY? Homura was never a family! You are all just a bunch of weak dipshits that can't face life!" I knew he finally grew angry when I saw the flames that engulfed him, his voice loud and clear as he screamed. Yes, grow to hate me, Misaki... My entire body was also engulfed by flames. By his shocked expression, I knew why he seemed so shocked.

My body was consumed by blue flames. We didn't speak for a while but he was the one that broke it.

"Y-You... Joined the blues?" I kept silent, the smirk on my face ever present. I looked down on my hand and closed it into a fists.

"Yes, isn't it wonderful, Misaki? This color, don't you think it's absolutely _gorgeous_?" I snickered as I ran towards him. I knew Misaki didn't anticipate my speed.

I left Homura that day. No one was able to stop me, not even Misaki. Not even Totsuka-san, Kusanagi-san, Anna, no one. Not even the Red King. The sudden show of my blue clan power sapped the energy out of me. I wobbled a bit before I almost collapsed. But I felt arms around me.

"Don't worry, Fushimi-kun. Scepter4 is your new home." I was silent, too weak to even say anything. But I nodded before falling into deep darkness.

All I could do was watch. Through the time we were apart, I watched Misaki. I was the one in charge of Homura's activities. All of them despised me now. But all I did now was watch them, planting the seed of their hatred. I didn't need those hate so I didn't bother with them. It was only Misaki I wanted and I watched him grow to hate me.


End file.
